The Uniboober

Wednesday 29 May, 2019 Five weeks ago, my right breast was removed from my body. My saggy and squishy 16E cup weighed 1.2kg and the entire breast tissue was chock-a-block with high grade DCIS (Ductal Carninoma In Situ) breast cancer. At the time I didn't give a shit that my rock-star surgeon was taking the whole thing. I wanted it gone, it tried to kill me for God's sake! Good riddance to bad breasts. So, five weeks later and I am proud to welcome the new tit on the block. This will be my permanent breast replacement until I make a decision about having reconstructive surgery a few years down the track. There's a short video on The Uniboober Facebook page if you choose to watch my visual excitement over the prosthetic squishiness. This new tit on the block - ain't she a beaut? She's soft and squishy and she even has a nipple! Albeit this teeny nipple is about one tenth of the size of my former nipple but uniboobers with breast prostheses can't be t...

Let's Talk About Anxiety Dealing with anxiety during normal, everyday situations is something most people can recognise. For around five years now, I've been living with high functioning anxiety and health anxiety. Health anxiety is typified by feeling overly anxious about serious illnesses, diseases or medical procedures. While people who have high levels of health anxiety are incorrectly labelled hypochondriacs, as this term does a disservice to those who suffer this serious and debilitating condition. People like me who have high levels of health anxiety you may experience the following symptoms: Uncontrollable worry about physical bodily symptoms. Checking body frequently for signs of illness or changes in health patterns. Being fearful for health concerns of family or relatives (e.g my son or husband). Focusing excessively on the body and its physical symptoms (e.g. fluctuations in heart rate). Frequently worrying or seeking reassurance about health from friends, fa...

24 May 2019 Chemo Dose 1, Day 4 brought to you by Raging Steroid Bitch So I've discovered what a raging banshee I become when taking steroids to prevent nausea and vomiting. They've been effective in staving off the nausea but it has interrupted my sleep over several nights, making me even more  bitchy and short tempered.  Watch my apology and short video update on  The Uniboober Facebook page Below is a visual comparison of sleeping habits hyped up on steroids Wednesday night versus Thursday night's decent sleeping and snoring sponsored by Lorazepam. But on a positive note I'm still feeling the love from family, colleagues, friends and my entire medical support team. Thanks to everyone who has baked food, made gifts (below), sent cards/messages and to my beautiful Wise Women's posse for donating a "Pick Me Up" fund. Chemo sucks balls but my supporters are awesome!

Tuesday, 21 May 2019 Today the chemotherapy treatment began. The selections on offer included Doxorubicin and Cyclophosphamide which were injected into my body through my portacatch which I've affectionately named Rudolph. If you look closely, you'll see the post treatment photo where the needle site looks like his red nose, there appears to be two eyes above the nose, and the stitches up further look like wiry antlers. And so Rudolph was born. I've named my portacath Rudolph - see the resemblance? Rudolph worked like a charm and the insertion of 3/4 inch needle into the portacath was virtually painless. Over the space of two hours, I received the above long-winded cancer drugs through IV drip connected to Rudolph which flowed into into my large central vein. It was painless and I didn't feel any physical affects from the drugs, except for a little smidge of anxiety.  I had taken 1.5 tablets of Lorazepam earlier so I was feeling pretty chilled (might ...

Wednesday, 15 May 2019 Another day, another medical procedure. Today's adventure involved surgery to have a portacath device installed. It's a small device branded as "PowerPort" which means I now officially have super powers. It's been inserted near my collar bone and is connected via catheter to one of my large central veins. This is where the chemotherapy and Herceptin treatment will be administered.  The portacath surgery was another awfully anxious experience. I was awake for the surgery but mildly sedated so I could still hear and feel the movements but felt no pain. I felt quite anxious and my heart rate spiked at 140 when the Doctor inserted the catheter. He said sometimes this "tickles" part of the heart valves which triggers an increased heart rate. My heightened level of anxiety didn't help at the time either. In recovery, my heart rate came down and I ended up eventually being discharged. The nursing staff were very understanding of...

Sunday, 19 May 2019 Today was a mixed bag for me personally, featuring anxiety during the car trip, happiness to see my boy enjoying himself at the Weetbix Kids Tryathlon, silent tears of sadness and fear at the triathlon and again out of the blue in the lounge section of Ikea. Don't ask me why but I was overcome with intense emotional feelings that produced tears for no apparent reason. My day was rounded off by a repeat dose of Lorazepam to balance out the anxiety and emotional rollercoastering. Behind these smiling eyes there's a woman who's terrified of what lies ahead. She knows she has an army of supporters backing her the whole way but it's in those deepest, darkest moments of solitude and self pity that she wishes she could hide away until it's all over. Not sure if this is a normal response to upcoming cancer treatment but it sure ain't lollipops and rainbows for yours truly. Smiles on the surface, waves of fear and anxiety underneath.

Nine days after surgery, I had my wound drain removed. As a result, the collecting fluid was no longer able to be expelled from my body.  Sometimes post-mastectomy pooling needs to be aspirated depending on the amount of liquid produced and your body’s ability to absorb the liquid. The day after the drain was removed, I began to hear sloshing sounds and I could feel liquid squishing in my mastectomy breast area. I also discovered that when I lifted my elbow up and down, like a chicken flapping its wings, I could literally make squishy farting noises inside my chest from the liquid that was pooling in my mastectomy area. It would have been hell funny if I were a primary school aged boy, but instead I found that it sounded and felt disgusting. My outer underarm area felt quite swollen and slightly pushed outwards so I headed back to the hospital ward for investigation by the nurses and doctor in charge. Thankfully my pooling was "normal" and the nurses said my wounds looked...

Unexpected practicalities of becoming a uniboober Since my surgery, I’ve discovered a number of annoying and unanticipated ramifications following my mastectomy. Which side do you wipe with? My right breast was removed and unfortunately this coincided with my preferred wiping hand and toileting side of action. After 41 years, having to change a life-long habit was frustrating and felt awkward, not to mention physically painful for several days. I discovered the same scenario in the shower, bending to wipe and wash certain areas I usually prefer the right side and right hand. Due to underarm swelling and general tenderness, I had to challenge my left-right brain habits and learn a whole new washing regime. My breast surgeon removed 1.2kg of tissue. This resulted in feeling unbalanced and messing with my ability to walk straight at times. I’m usually a fairly clumsy person at the best of times but I’ve found myself falling into walls, veering to the left unexpectedly and easily los...

Saturday, 27 April 2019 This week has been like riding a rollercoaster on repeat.  Every night.  Every day.  Riding it with me have been my family, friends, nurses and medical support crew. There have been moments of fear, waves of nausea, tears of sadness/joy, sighs of relief, mountains of anger, rivers of anxiety, twinges of pain, unlimited armloads of hugs and sweeping oceans of love. I'm usually the do-er and giver of support so it has been difficult to allow others to help me and to publicly acknowledge that this whole situation is fucked up and bloody difficult for me to handle. To show my vulnerability and reveal the cracks inside has been challenging. Externally at times I've looked "fine" but as I'm a seasoned pro with high functioning anxiety, I'm very good at pretending like I've got my shit together when internally I'm actually crumbling to pieces. I also find it difficult to articulate what I'm actually feeling because instead I...

Wednesday, 24 April 2019 First full day of being a uniboober, the day after surgery. Who's the best dressed uniboob patient on the ward tonight? Yours truly, thanks to (1) my husband Alex assisting with a no-funny-business shower and helping me navigate the drain hoses stitched into my surgical site (2) dressing me in my beautiful new pyjamas and slippers gifted by my gorgeous friend Tenielle and her family (3) donning my sexy new mastectomy lingerie with temporary breast prosthesis inserted. Feeling a million bucks after a shower, sporting my new comfy pyjamas and prosthetic breast You won't be seeing this little front-fastening flowery number (below) on the Victoria's Secret catwalk any time soon but you probably should...maybe it would encourage more women to have regular mammograms! My first mastectomy bra with prosthetic breast (can you tell the difference?) I haven't looked directly at the breast removal site yet because I'm shit scared of my ...

Tuesday, 23 April 2019 Exhausted and relieved after mastectomy surgery to remove 1.2kg of my right breast My mastectomy operation today was successful and I'll be seeing my "Rock Star of Titties" breast surgeon tomorrow for an update. I'm sore and super tired - I feel like I could sleep for a million years. My anxiety was working overtime prior to surgery but I can safely say I did not vomit. Winning! I was so relieved to have some additional support from my anesthetist. Just prior to surgery I told him how anxious I was feeling, despite having downed two valium tablets throughout the day already, and he said he had some liquid valium coming my way. I loved him, immensely. Once I was wheeled into the operating theatre, he said he was going to put me to sleep now and that was the last thing I remembered before waking up in recovery. I loved him again, and I silently thanked him for helping me get through it all without vomiting over everyone in the operating thea...

Friday, 19 April 2019 Sadly, photos of breasts attract people's attention, right? OK, so now that I've got your attention with these bulbous E cups, it's lecture time. My pre-mastectomy 16E breasts, capturing people's attention since 1990 The type of breast cancer I have is high grade Ductal Carcinoma In Situ which means there are abnormal cells in my milk ducts. In Australia, approximately 1,600 women are diagnosed with DCIS each year and men can also get DCIS. Cancer of all types, including breast cancer, features in my paternal family tree. Fast Fact: Early stage DCIS doesn’t usually appear as a breast lump or breast change. Mammograms and ultrasounds are the most common ways in which DCIS is diagnosed. Neither myself nor my husband, who is likely more familiar with the topography of my breasts than I, noticed or felt any changes in my jiggly bits. If left untreated, high grade DCIS is likely to develop into invasive breast cancer. My breast surgeon sai...

Wednesday, 17 April 2019 For the first time in my life I'm lost for words and unsure how to share this news. Last week I found out there's cancer in this bulbous and saggy right breast (pictured below). It's Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS) and it is also located in at least one of my lymph nodes. Mammogram image of my right breast (DCIS seen here as grainy particles circled in middle of breast tissue, invasive cancer seen in "chunky" lymph node circled upper right of picture) Today I found out I'm having this breast removed on Tuesday 23 April 2019. Yep, that's mastectomy in five days' time. The moment you’re told that you have cancer in your body, everything changes. Your perspective on life, the way you think about your loved ones, the way you forecast into the future and even the way you berate yourself for previously giving a shit about stuff that is not at all important. I used to be one of those people who thought that The Big C w...

I'm a 41 year-old woman, wife of 13 years to triathlete-loving Alex and mother to 10 year-old fishing enthusiast Roberto. We live on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia. I'm a writer and communicator with a background in PR, media and events. I'm a Sagittarius, my favourite book (and movie) is  Gone With The Wind  and I'm a closet fan of the 1960s soft rock duo  The Carpenters . Don't judge me. In April 2019, an impromptu mammogram revealed calcification throughout the milk ducts of my saggy 16E cup right breast, diagnosed as high grade Ductal Carinoma In Situ (DCIS) breast cancer. This type of cancer is considered non-invasive h owever, as I'm never one to follow tradition, it was discovered that I also had an invasive breast cancer that had spread to my lymph nodes. Five clusters of 13 lymph nodes were removed during my mastectomy and two nodes contained invasive breast cancer. This breast cancer diagnosis sent me spiraling headfirst into a shit-f...

This blog contains profanity and language that some readers may find offensive (e.g. F words and the like). If you're not a swearer, while reading the posts on this page you may wish to replace the curse words with "beep". Some post-surgery photos on this blog may be considered graphic in nature and contain nudity or partial nudity. These photos are not intended to cause offense or be used for exploitative purposes. They are posted with permission by the blog author and cannot be used or copied without the prior consent from The Uniboober.