Sex and The Big C
Sex and cancer.
Not usually two words that go together easily during conversations with people living with cancer, but perhaps we should talk about it more. Why? Because sex is a natural human activity and having cancer, or having lived through cancer and come out the other side, doesn’t change the fact that sex can still be part of our lives during and after cancer treatment.
Two weeks after my post-surgery check up, I asked my surgeon about appropriate timing around recommencing sexual activities and she said I was probably among a handful of women in her 20 years as a surgeon to approach the subject so soon after having a mastectomy. My response was that I was married to the sexiest man alive (in my opinion) and I wasn’t going to allow breast cancer to have a long-lasting negative effect on my sex life or my sexuality.
I’m very lucky that Mr Uniboober and I have a close and honest connection where we communicate about everything in our lives and within our relationship – good or bad, easy or challenging, resolvable or not. After 17 years of being in love and sharing our lives together, we believe this honesty and openness has kept us strong and helped us through many difficult times.
And there’s been none more challenging than my breast cancer diagnosis. My husband is a 40 year-old WYSIWYG – what you see is what you get – so I knew going into this journey that he wouldn’t beat around the bush (no pun intended) and wouldn’t cover up his feelings about what was happening with both of us physically or mentally. Luckily for me I know he still finds me attractive – bald head, uniboob and all. He is patient, understanding and has helped me feel comfortable in my new skin despite my physical and emotional changes.
Let’s be real, though. As a bald Uniboober with one saggy E cup and half-bald private parts that definitely don’t look like they used to, I certainly don’t feel as physically attractive or sexy as I did before cancer entered my life (and body). Plus the numerous side effects of cancer treatment definitely put a downer on the way a cancer patient feels physically, emotionally and sexually.
Since my surgery, I have been receiving excellent advice and support through the services of Jen McKenzie, ESSA Accredited Exercise Physiologist from The McKenzie Clinic.
Not usually two words that go together easily during conversations with people living with cancer, but perhaps we should talk about it more. Why? Because sex is a natural human activity and having cancer, or having lived through cancer and come out the other side, doesn’t change the fact that sex can still be part of our lives during and after cancer treatment.
I’m very lucky that Mr Uniboober and I have a close and honest connection where we communicate about everything in our lives and within our relationship – good or bad, easy or challenging, resolvable or not. After 17 years of being in love and sharing our lives together, we believe this honesty and openness has kept us strong and helped us through many difficult times.
 |
| Mr Uniboober and I pictured the week before my chemo began (Photo by Deanne Carter Photography) |
And there’s been none more challenging than my breast cancer diagnosis. My husband is a 40 year-old WYSIWYG – what you see is what you get – so I knew going into this journey that he wouldn’t beat around the bush (no pun intended) and wouldn’t cover up his feelings about what was happening with both of us physically or mentally. Luckily for me I know he still finds me attractive – bald head, uniboob and all. He is patient, understanding and has helped me feel comfortable in my new skin despite my physical and emotional changes.
Let’s be real, though. As a bald Uniboober with one saggy E cup and half-bald private parts that definitely don’t look like they used to, I certainly don’t feel as physically attractive or sexy as I did before cancer entered my life (and body). Plus the numerous side effects of cancer treatment definitely put a downer on the way a cancer patient feels physically, emotionally and sexually.
- Surgery, whether it’s breast-conserving surgery or mastecomy, can change the appearance of a woman’s body and affect her self-esteem.
- Chemotherapy can cause fatigue, have profound effects on libido (sex drive), and induce premature menopause with associated physical and emotional changes.
- The emotional impact of a breast cancer diagnosis and the treatment process can also affect a couple’s physical and emotional relationship.
Since my surgery, I have been receiving excellent advice and support through the services of Jen McKenzie, ESSA Accredited Exercise Physiologist from The McKenzie Clinic.
Jen has been extremely supportive with my post-surgery recovery and helped me understand the physical changes and challenges happening to my body since my mastectomy and commencement of cancer treatment. She is a major advocate for collaboration and recognition among multi-disciplinary health professionals on the Sunshine Coast about the very real issues facing men and women following cancer diagnosis, surgery, treatment and recovery.
Dr Porter-Steele's breadth of knowledge made her the perfect speaker to share her insights into breast cancer and sexuality; her presentation was informative, open and honest. I’m sure the other attendees (women and men) appreciated her forthright approach on a sensitive and often overlooked topic. She made some excellent recommendations about seeking professional help from a sex therapist if necessary. To some it may sound like a drastic measure but in my opinion it’s like seeking medical assistance from a GP for a physical illness or injury.
Sex is not the be-all and end-all in my relationship with Mr Uniboober but I’m sure looking forward to the future beyond treatment when my turned-on mind doesn’t get distracted by my bald head, when my healthy libido finally reappears, when I feel confident to again be bold and brave in the bedroom, and when my focus is not taken over by cancer treatment and all that goes along with it.
 |
| Dr Janine Porter-Steele and Jen McKenzie |
Jen’s most recent workshop was a sensitive but much-needed discussion around sexual health and breast cancer. Guest speaker Dr Janine Porter-Steele traveled from Brisbane to share her wealth of knowledge on this major issue that does not get enough airplay. Dr Porter-Steele is manager of The Wesley Hospital’s Choices Cancer Support Centre. She is a clinical nurse consultant, an accredited breast care nurse, women’s health nurse, she has a Master’s degree in nursing leadership and wrote her thesis on breast cancer, sexual wellbeing and altered body image.
Dr Porter-Steele's breadth of knowledge made her the perfect speaker to share her insights into breast cancer and sexuality; her presentation was informative, open and honest. I’m sure the other attendees (women and men) appreciated her forthright approach on a sensitive and often overlooked topic. She made some excellent recommendations about seeking professional help from a sex therapist if necessary. To some it may sound like a drastic measure but in my opinion it’s like seeking medical assistance from a GP for a physical illness or injury.
Sex is not the be-all and end-all in my relationship with Mr Uniboober but I’m sure looking forward to the future beyond treatment when my turned-on mind doesn’t get distracted by my bald head, when my healthy libido finally reappears, when I feel confident to again be bold and brave in the bedroom, and when my focus is not taken over by cancer treatment and all that goes along with it.
