The Uniboober's three-month anniversary
WARNING: This blog post and the video below contain photos of mastectomy surgery scars and nudity.
To commemorate the journey of the past three months, I have compiled a short picture video featuring my breast scan, biopsy bruises, post-mastectomy surgery site, post-portacath surgery and three-month post-surgery body. Before watching, have you taken note of note the warning about post-surgery photos and nudity appearing in this video? Don't watch it if you're squeamish, dislike seeing other people's breasts or if you're unsure how you feel about uniboobs.
Twelve weeks ago today, my right breast was surgically removed
by my Rock Star of Titties surgeon, Dr Lisa Creighton. My highly anxious self, medicinally supported by prescription valium, underwent a right breast mastectomy where my saggy, cancer-riddled right breast was removed as well as five axilla lymph node clusters, two of
which contained cancerous cells.
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| On Tuesday 24 April 2019, my surgeon removed 1.2 kilograms of my right breast |
To commemorate the journey of the past three months, I have compiled a short picture video featuring my breast scan, biopsy bruises, post-mastectomy surgery site, post-portacath surgery and three-month post-surgery body. Before watching, have you taken note of note the warning about post-surgery photos and nudity appearing in this video? Don't watch it if you're squeamish, dislike seeing other people's breasts or if you're unsure how you feel about uniboobs.
Saying goodbye to the body part I've always disliked
I had planned to have a breast reduction and lift in my 40s
anyway, so I guess the mastectomy was getting me halfway there in a macabre
way. It certainly lightened my load up front but it wasn’t the way I envisaged
getting on the surgeon’s table. I'm sorry to say that I have always disliked my breasts because of their size. I was an
early bloomer and started wearing a bra aged 12, probably around a year later
than I should have been. By year 10, I was a D cup and by the time I graduated
high school I was a 12DD. They got in the way of bloody everything and they attracted unwanted attention that I have always despised.
When I was pregnant with my son in 2008, my breasts grew to an F cup and eventually shrank back to a manageable but still unwelcome E cup. The 17 months of breastfeeding my son was quite possibly the only time in my life I enjoyed my breasts. I celebrated my breasts and was grateful for the milk they provided for my baby, despite having a great deal of difficulty with attachment, latching and breast milk supply. Thankfully the amazing breastfeeding counsellors of the Australian Breastfeeding Association helped me and my son through our breastfeeding journey.
Fast forward to 2019 and little did I know that Ductal
Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS) breast cancer was silently infiltrating the very milk
ducts that nourished and fed my son. By the time my breasts were screened during a random
mammogram in March, the DCIS had spread throughout my entire right breast
and was also visible within one of my axilla lymph nodes. This meant the DCIS
had escaped the milk ducts and that’s is why I’m receiving the same oncology treatment
as women diagnosed with invasive breast cancer.
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| You can see the circled sections of DCIS, some escaping the milk ducts and entering two axilla lymph nodes (one can be seen top right of photo) |
The mammogram that discovered my breast cancer was purely
random and unplanned. Some friends and family already know the backgroundstory about why I booked the mammogram and I’ll forever be grateful for
booking a free mammogram with BreastScreenQueensland (Australian women aged 40 years and older qualify for free
screening thanks to BreastScreenAustralia).
Prior to surgery, I was anxious about looking and feeling
unbalanced with one saggy E cup on the left and one flat scar on the right
where my breast used to be. After despising my breasts most of my life, it was
certainly a strange feeling to be mourning my right breast and grieving for the
body shape that I used to have. In hindsight I was more affected by the shock
that the mastectomy happened so quickly rather than the fact it happened at
all.
Grieving for my cancer-riddled breast
So, how do I feel about being a uniboober? I believe I've moved through various stages of grieving for my breast after being diagnosed with cancer four months ago. TheBreastCancerSite.com explains the five stages of the grieving process which begins as soon as a person learns that a mastectomy is a possibility. For me, this happened on 17 April when my surgeon informed me that the right breast was a dud and had to go. My surgery occurred five days later.
- Stage 1 – Denial: When we first experience loss we go into the denial stage, during which we may feel shock, disbelief, and numbness. The denial stage is nature’s way of cushioning us from the bluntness of reality.
- Stage 2 – Protest: As our initial shock wears off we move into the protest stage, a phase of intense emotion, including anger, sadness, and confusion. As the facts start to sink in, our thoughts set off an emotional reaction. Our fear of surgery and of cancer is probably foremost in our minds.
- Stage 3 – Disorientation: The third stage of grief is the disorientation stage. This stage is often accompanied by restlessness, confusion, and depression, as we have to change our routines and adjust to the changes the mastectomy has brought.
- Stage 4 – Detachment: Following the disorientation stage we move into the detachment stage. During this stage we tend to isolate and withdraw ourselves, and possibly feel resigned and apathetic. It is as though we have to go off quietly by ourselves and sit with our loss. Too much contact with other people at this time often feels like an intrusion and a lot of work.
- Stage 5 – Resolution: The last stage of grief is resolution and it is during this stage that we enter a renewed state of reorganization and acceptance. We are not happy about the loss or our breast, but we see that we can live without it. The resolution stage often brings us insight into our life and ourselves that builds character and produce wisdom. During the resolution stage our mood lifts and we find we are able to experience joy again. This is also a time when we become grateful for what we have.
