The Uniboober

Wednesday 29 May, 2019 Five weeks ago, my right breast was removed from my body. My saggy and squishy 16E cup weighed 1.2kg and the entire breast tissue was chock-a-block with high grade DCIS (Ductal Carninoma In Situ) breast cancer. At the time I didn't give a shit that my rock-star surgeon was taking the whole thing. I wanted it gone, it tried to kill me for God's sake! Good riddance to bad breasts. So, five weeks later and I am proud to welcome the new tit on the block. This will be my permanent breast replacement until I make a decision about having reconstructive surgery a few years down the track. There's a short video on The Uniboober Facebook page if you choose to watch my visual excitement over the prosthetic squishiness. This new tit on the block - ain't she a beaut? She's soft and squishy and she even has a nipple! Albeit this teeny nipple is about one tenth of the size of my former nipple but uniboobers with breast prostheses can't be t...

Let's Talk About Anxiety Dealing with anxiety during normal, everyday situations is something most people can recognise. For around five years now, I've been living with high functioning anxiety and health anxiety. Health anxiety is typified by feeling overly anxious about serious illnesses, diseases or medical procedures. While people who have high levels of health anxiety are incorrectly labelled hypochondriacs, as this term does a disservice to those who suffer this serious and debilitating condition. People like me who have high levels of health anxiety you may experience the following symptoms: Uncontrollable worry about physical bodily symptoms. Checking body frequently for signs of illness or changes in health patterns. Being fearful for health concerns of family or relatives (e.g my son or husband). Focusing excessively on the body and its physical symptoms (e.g. fluctuations in heart rate). Frequently worrying or seeking reassurance about health from friends, fa...

24 May 2019 Chemo Dose 1, Day 4 brought to you by Raging Steroid Bitch So I've discovered what a raging banshee I become when taking steroids to prevent nausea and vomiting. They've been effective in staving off the nausea but it has interrupted my sleep over several nights, making me even more  bitchy and short tempered.  Watch my apology and short video update on  The Uniboober Facebook page Below is a visual comparison of sleeping habits hyped up on steroids Wednesday night versus Thursday night's decent sleeping and snoring sponsored by Lorazepam. But on a positive note I'm still feeling the love from family, colleagues, friends and my entire medical support team. Thanks to everyone who has baked food, made gifts (below), sent cards/messages and to my beautiful Wise Women's posse for donating a "Pick Me Up" fund. Chemo sucks balls but my supporters are awesome!

Tuesday, 21 May 2019 Today the chemotherapy treatment began. The selections on offer included Doxorubicin and Cyclophosphamide which were injected into my body through my portacatch which I've affectionately named Rudolph. If you look closely, you'll see the post treatment photo where the needle site looks like his red nose, there appears to be two eyes above the nose, and the stitches up further look like wiry antlers. And so Rudolph was born. I've named my portacath Rudolph - see the resemblance? Rudolph worked like a charm and the insertion of 3/4 inch needle into the portacath was virtually painless. Over the space of two hours, I received the above long-winded cancer drugs through IV drip connected to Rudolph which flowed into into my large central vein. It was painless and I didn't feel any physical affects from the drugs, except for a little smidge of anxiety.  I had taken 1.5 tablets of Lorazepam earlier so I was feeling pretty chilled (might ...

Wednesday, 15 May 2019 Another day, another medical procedure. Today's adventure involved surgery to have a portacath device installed. It's a small device branded as "PowerPort" which means I now officially have super powers. It's been inserted near my collar bone and is connected via catheter to one of my large central veins. This is where the chemotherapy and Herceptin treatment will be administered.  The portacath surgery was another awfully anxious experience. I was awake for the surgery but mildly sedated so I could still hear and feel the movements but felt no pain. I felt quite anxious and my heart rate spiked at 140 when the Doctor inserted the catheter. He said sometimes this "tickles" part of the heart valves which triggers an increased heart rate. My heightened level of anxiety didn't help at the time either. In recovery, my heart rate came down and I ended up eventually being discharged. The nursing staff were very understanding of...

Sunday, 19 May 2019 Today was a mixed bag for me personally, featuring anxiety during the car trip, happiness to see my boy enjoying himself at the Weetbix Kids Tryathlon, silent tears of sadness and fear at the triathlon and again out of the blue in the lounge section of Ikea. Don't ask me why but I was overcome with intense emotional feelings that produced tears for no apparent reason. My day was rounded off by a repeat dose of Lorazepam to balance out the anxiety and emotional rollercoastering. Behind these smiling eyes there's a woman who's terrified of what lies ahead. She knows she has an army of supporters backing her the whole way but it's in those deepest, darkest moments of solitude and self pity that she wishes she could hide away until it's all over. Not sure if this is a normal response to upcoming cancer treatment but it sure ain't lollipops and rainbows for yours truly. Smiles on the surface, waves of fear and anxiety underneath.

Nine days after surgery, I had my wound drain removed. As a result, the collecting fluid was no longer able to be expelled from my body.  Sometimes post-mastectomy pooling needs to be aspirated depending on the amount of liquid produced and your body’s ability to absorb the liquid. The day after the drain was removed, I began to hear sloshing sounds and I could feel liquid squishing in my mastectomy breast area. I also discovered that when I lifted my elbow up and down, like a chicken flapping its wings, I could literally make squishy farting noises inside my chest from the liquid that was pooling in my mastectomy area. It would have been hell funny if I were a primary school aged boy, but instead I found that it sounded and felt disgusting. My outer underarm area felt quite swollen and slightly pushed outwards so I headed back to the hospital ward for investigation by the nurses and doctor in charge. Thankfully my pooling was "normal" and the nurses said my wounds looked...